Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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