Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
