i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
operation have a gay friend backfired
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
