I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
