Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
