Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
