No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
