i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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