I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
