Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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