This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
