he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
