so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
