I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
