got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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