We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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