i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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