My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
