i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
