Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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