I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
