I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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