i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
