Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
