Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You are the jesus of drinking
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
