cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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