If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
