I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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