positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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