so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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