You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
