wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
