so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
