On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
