you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
