I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
