i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
