i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
