So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
