I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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