I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
