The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
