I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
