you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The adults are the big ones right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
