you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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