mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
