omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
