Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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