I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
