Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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