cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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