Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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