every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think my vagina is haunted
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
