Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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