My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
