I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
