I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize