Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
