No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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