It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
