3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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