he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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